Slow Dance of Fire and Air
by Ana Sedai
Summary: After Miranda, not a lot makes sense anymore. But they're drawn to each other, opposites yet alike. Mal and River and how to carve out a life when things always seem to be upside-down. Based off a long-ago 100-prompt challenge.
1. Truth or Dare

**Title**: Truth or Dare  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG  
**Character(s):** Mal, River  
**Prompt: **074 - Truth  
**Word Count: **637**  
**

**Author's Note:** Okay, this is an attempt to jump start a project that I semi-abandoned several years ago. The challenge was to take a table with 100 one-word prompts and write a 1000-word story about each one. I'm trying it with a Mal/River pairing, and they'll all be connected and in fairly chronological order. I'm making no promises that I can't keep about finishing, but I have a quarter of the stories finished already and a good idea of where I'm going with this, so I think I have a shot. Feedback will be very much appreciated.

The story starts several months after the events of _Serenity_. Enjoy.

* * *

"Truth or dare?"

"Wha-?!" Mal jumped a bit in the pilot's seat where he'd been dozing. He spun around to face River, leaning against the back of the co-pilot's chair that had become her domain these past few months. She was looking at him, her face intent. "Almost gave me a heart attack there, Albatross. Shouldn't be sneaking up on a man like that." He shook his head a bit to clear it. "What were you askin'?"

"Truth or dare? Actions speak louder than words, but words harder to speak. Hearts speak truth. Heads too confusing, too many variables for one paradigm. Why doesn't everyone speak from their heart?" She sounded a little lost when she asked that last question.

Mal sighed and leaned back. He wondered when everything she said had begun to make sense to him. "Well, darlin', that there is a mighty big question. Most people are probably afraid they'll look foolish or be disappointed, so they say something different than what they really think."

River shook her head. "Don't mean other people. People don't speak to themselves. Run around and around but they don't _listen_. Refuse to speak the truth, refuse to hear it, even when they know it."

Mal thought the conversation was getting just a mite too close to home for his liking. His thoughts hadn't exactly been tranquil of late, and even less so when she was around. That knowledge, of course, brought its own set of problems, ones he wasn't prepared to deal with right now, if ever. He wondered if a distraction might help her focus shift. "You want to fly for awhile, little one? Let a tired old man get some sleep?"

"Not old. Untruth. Want me to be quiet. Don't like knowing your confusion." She looked smug and sad all at the same time.

He flushed. Damn, guess not. "Aw, honey, I'm sorry. You're right. People don't like hearing the truth, 'specially about themselves. They…" He squinted at River a bit suspiciously. He really didn't like the idea of her wandering in his brain, picking out thoughts like cherries off a tree. "Now, girl, don't be crawling in my head so much. It's not polite. _Dong ma_?"

River nodded, then leaned over and brushed his hair off his face. Her hand felt cool against his skin. He jerked his head and blinked, startled. "What're you doing, girl?"

She gave him that intent look of hers again, like she was looking for something. She kept her hand on his head. "Wanted to see if touching could help the head hear truth."

He didn't know what to say to that. He felt off-kilter, like the floor had tilted and left him trying to find his balance. He thought he should be annoyed (_I just told her to stay outta my head!_), but he wasn't. Her fingers rested on his forehead for a few more seconds, then she lifted her hand and backed away. She gave him a sad smile. "Touching didn't help, just made more variables." She bit her lip. "Didn't mean to crawl around. Just trying to help."

Mal swallowed. His throat felt tight. "Darlin', I know you want to help, but believe me when I say there ain't nothing you can do to help folks sort things out. Especially me." _Especially about her._ He decided it was time for one of them to leave. Standing up, he tried to sound casual. "I'm gonna go grab some shut-eye. You can fly if you want, or I can just turn on the autopilot."

"I'll stay," she said, looking away from him and out the window. He nodded and headed for the door. He pretended not to hear her when she said, very softly, "Head lies, but heart speaks truth."

He could still feel her fingers in his hair.


	2. Blood Bonds

**Title:** Blood Bonds  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG  
**Character(s):** Mal, River  
**Prompt: **033 - Blood  
**Word Count: **477

**Spoilers: **Pretty big ones for the BDM.

**Summary: **Their connection was forged in blood, yet he still refused to see.

**Author's Note: **Second in my would-be Joss100 series.

When River was small, she'd read a story from Earth-That-Was that talked about blood brothers. If two people shared a connection so deep that they refused to ever be separated, they would cut their hands. Then they would press them together until the blood mingled and was flowing in each other's veins. That meant they were bonded for all time.

When she'd told Simon about it, he'd laughed a little and said that while it was a nice story, it didn't really work. "Our bodies break down blood over time, _mei-mei_. Even if they shared a little blood for awhile, it would be gone in a few days." It was his first year at school, and he'd been anxious to show off a bit.

She had just shrugged and said that he didn't understand. It wasn't that they shared blood in their bodies; it was that they shared blood _together_.

River thought about the moment when the blast doors opened on Mr. Universe's planet. She'd been standing there, covered in blood, clutching two axes dripping with more, surrounded by piles of Reaver corpses. The Captain had stood there, too, covered in blood as well, mostly his own, surrounded by their wounded crew. Their eyes met, held, and for a second, time froze. As clear as if he'd spoken it, River heard him say, _"We are bound, you and I." _She knew that. She'd always known it. But it was good to hear him say it, even if only in his head.

The moment passed, of course. The Alliance came, the Operative didn't order their deaths, and things went back to normal, or as normal as they could be with Wash and Shepherd Book both gone.

The Captain went back to treating her like a girl, albeit a somewhat more formidable girl than he'd previously known. He trusted her with _Serenity_, though, and she was grateful for that. But he didn't trust her with himself, and that was painful. They were bound by blood, weren't they? He'd acknowledged it once, why not again? He mashed things around in his head until it made her own head ache. She didn't have to read his mind; the torrent of his thoughts caught her up whenever she was close, whenever he looked at her.

She'd thought touching his head would help it listen to his heart. She'd been wrong. All she'd been able to learn was that she scared him. Rather, she made him scared of himself. She made him scared of what he wanted. He still thought of her as fragile, in need of protection.

Changing his mind wasn't going to be easy. She still had trouble putting her thoughts into her voice. The Captain used that to remind himself of where things stood. He'd forgotten that blood bonds were forever. Still, she would wait. She would remind him, somehow.


	3. Sense of Direction

**Title:** Sense of Direction  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG  
**Character(s):** Mal, River  
**Prompt: **048 - Direction  
**Word Count: **783

**Author's Note: **Third for Joss100.

**Summary: **What do you do when you can't tell up from down?

It was getting so it was damn hard to remember which way was up. Mal wasn't used to the feeling, and he didn't like it. Not a bit. He didn't like that the cause of his discomfort was a slip of a girl who probably didn't weigh more than 40 kilos, soaking wet. He really didn't like that thoughts about this slip of a girl were invading his dreams. And he _especially_ didn't like that said slip of a girl had taken to watching him all the time. In the cockpit, at dinner, in the cargo bay, it was getting so he couldn't turn around without seeing her standing there with her old eyes that seemed to burn into his soul.

Mal wasn't stupid. Nor was he blind. The girl had caught wind of something in his head a few days ago in the cockpit, and now it seemed she was trying to ferret out what it was. He would've been angry if he'd thought she was digging through his brain. She'd promised she wouldn't, though, so he trusted she wouldn't do it deliberate-like. That did not mean, however, that she wouldn't try to pick up something by "accident". She couldn't always control what she heard, just like folks couldn't always control what they thought. So, she stuck close to him, on the off, or not-so-off, chance that something would get through.

He preferred not to think on what that something might be.

Well, best of luck to her. For his own part, Mal didn't even know what he thought. He knew she could kick his ass with both hands tied behind her back. He knew she was healing, but still incredibly fragile. He knew she put him on edge, and not just because she could probably lay him out in five seconds flat. That was all he knew, however. The rest was a gray, foggy mess that he did his best to push to the back of his mind.

It was his turn for dish duty that night, and everyone else had headed for their bunks, excepting Simon, of course, who had headed off with Kaylee to her bunk. He was busy drying the last of the glasses when he felt her behind him. That was another consequence of her being around him so much, he could feel it when she was near. He didn't want to consider the implications of that particular thought.

"He thinks she needs protection." Well, that answered the question of whether or not she'd heard anything from him. "He thinks she's still broken." He sighed and then turned around. This might be better done face to face.

Sure enough, there she was, with her billowy dress and her cloud of dark hair and her intense eyes. The dim light hit her face so that her eyes seemed almost luminous. All of a sudden his mind flashed on the memory of her standing all alone amongst a pile of dead Reavers, looking at him with that exact same expression.

He took a deep breath. He wouldn't pretend to misunderstand her. "Little one, it's not a matter of thinkin'. It's a matter of what is." He sat down and massaged the bridge of his nose. Damn, he really didn't want to deal with this. "I don't know what you think you're listenin' for from me, but it won't change anything, even if you find it."

She looked at him for another moment, her head cocked. Then she kneeled beside him and took his hand from his face. She held his larger hand in her two smaller ones and gazed at his palm. She ran the tip of one finger over the creases and calluses, the accumulation of a lifetime of work and worry and war. He let her, all of a sudden too tired to stop her. He felt very old.

She dropped his hand and looked up at him, then lifted her own and cupped his cheek. "You think you're broken, too. You're not, just cracked."

His eyes slid shut. He was beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic. "Girl, that is an understatement of epic proportions." He stood up, and her hand slid off his face. He looked down at her and cursed her damn insight. "Don't be pinnin' your hopes on me, little Albatross. Broken or cracked, I'm damaged goods. I don't have much of a rudder to speak of, and my sense of direction is damn shaky."

She didn't say anything, just gave him that same level look. In frustration (whether with her or himself, he didn't know), he spun around and headed for his bunk. She still hadn't moved by the time he climbed down.


	4. Downstream

**Title:** Downstream  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG  
**Character(s):** Mal, River  
**Prompt: **016 - Current  
**Word Count:** 629

**A/N: **Fourth for Joss100. (Should I keep numbering these?)

**Summary: **He doesn't know how to swim in this current.

* * *

The funny thing about currents, Mal remembered, was that you could never tell how strong they were just by looking at 'em.

He'd made that mistake once, and only once, when he was a kid. He'd decided to try and swim across the river that cut through their ranch about a mile from the house, but he hadn't tested the water first. It'd looked so peaceful. Who would've guessed water that looked so still could move so fast? If the foreman hadn't been inspecting fence posts nearby when ten-year-old Mal had started yelling, he would've been swept downstream and drowned.

He'd gotten a tongue-lashing from his Ma and a stern lecture from the foreman.

"Son, ya gotta look before ya leap. Ain't no tellin' what you might land in if'n you don't."

Well, since then he'd still been terrible at the looking before part, but at least he'd always known that he _was_ leaping.

Now, though, he was drowning again and he hadn't even realized that he'd jumped until he was neck deep and sputtering. His dreams were being taken over by visions of wild hair and a small figure dancing between the stars. He would wake with the sound of music still echoing in his head. It'd gotten so he didn't know whether to be afraid to sleep, or to look forward to it. A current was carrying him along with it, and he wasn't sure where he was headed.

It wasn't River's fault. Not entirely, anyway. Since their conversation in the kitchen, she hadn't been stalking him as much. He wondered if she'd finally found out what she wanted. He didn't think so, though.

Instead of her dissecting stare, she now looked at him with a bit of confusion, and at times, a little sadness. He didn't ask why, and she didn't seem too anxious to share. He didn't like seeing her like that, though. The girl had had far too much of sorrow in her short life. The last thing he wanted was to cause her more. But it seemed like that was all he was able to do these days, bring sadness to the women in his life.

He didn't know what to do for Zoë, and he was afraid he was losing her. She hadn't smiled, or cried, once in the months since Miranda and Wash. She was a pillar of strength during the day, but he could sometimes hear her pacing the ship at night. Her boot steps beat out a cadence that sounded too much like funeral march for his liking.

As for Inara, he'd tried to feel for her what he thought he'd once felt, but it was like trying to hold onto smoke. She didn't understand his new distance, and he had no idea what to say to her.

River just looked wounded, and he was too turned around himself to offer her any reassurances. Kaylee was her usual cheerful self, at least, but that most likely had more to do with Simon. Still, it was good that two people were happy on his ship. The place had been starting to have a downright funereal atmosphere.

So here he was, trying to find some footing in all this, and all he could think about was a pair of deep brown eyes that hid nothing and everything and knew too much. He shouldn't feel for her the way he was starting to, but it was pushing at him. He pushed back, but the stink of it was, he knew the current was stronger than him.

He had chosen not to remember that that old foreman, in addition to the warning, had also told him that the only way to survive a current was to let it carry you along with it.


	5. Freedom

**Title:** Freedom  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG  
**Character(s):** River  
**Prompt: **049 – First Love  
**Word Count:** 612

**A/N: **5/100 for Joss100

**Summary: **No one forgets their first love.

* * *

River was four years old when she first fell in love. She had gone to town with Mother and Father and Simon for the first time. They were on the main street, with Simon keeping a tight grip on her smaller hand as they trailed behind their parents. She spent most of the time gaping a bit nervously at all the activity going on around her. It was so much noisier than back home, and from time to time, she felt little tickles in her thoughts that felt strange. It was all starting to get a bit suffocating.

Simon looked a little worried when he saw her face.

"Are you alright, _mei mei_?"

Even at twelve years old, he took the role of Big Brother very seriously.

She couldn't answer. It was too much. The tickles wouldn't go away, and they were getting louder. She was almost ready to beg to go inside so she wouldn't feel so closed-in.

Then she saw it.

A small ship was taking off from a nearby dock. She didn't know why it had caught her eye at first. It was fairly old, and definitely looked to be in some disrepair. But something about it, a grace, a presence, demanded her attention. It should have been clunky, but watching it soar through the air, all she could think was, _How beautiful. _She watched as it lifted higher and higher above the noisy crowds and bustling streets.

It was flying.

It was free.

She felt something inside her blossom and grow, but she was too young to understand what it meant. She just knew she felt safer having seen this. She rose into the air along with the ship, and for the first time, the barely-whispered voices were quieted. She felt her breathing ease.

At last, the ship disappeared into the clear blue sky, and she looked over to see Simon still giving her that worried look. She smiled at him, the noise and tickling not bothering her as much.

"It's okay, Simon. I feel better now. We should catch up with Mama and Daddy."

Simon gave a start as he realized they'd fallen behind. He tugged on her hand as he hurried down the street. River let him drag her along, but she kept her eyes on the patch of sky where the ship had vanished. How nice it must be to be that ship, to fly into that inky black solitude, into the silence of the stars and the sky.

When she was with Mal, she felt the same as she had when she first saw that ship lift into the air. He gave her the same feeling of wonder, of safety. His presence and calmness had given her the silence she craved. It was the same feeling _Serenity _herself gave her. Man and ship both protected and freed her. They healed her. She had been trapped for so long.

Now, his silence and steadiness were jumbled in with noise. He felt as trapped as she had been so long ago. He thought he had nothing to give. She could show him he had everything. His prison was his memories, his anger, his confusion. She knew she could free Mal, if he would let her. Why wouldn't he see that? It hurt that he pushed her away.

She had to get through to him, or she couldn't heal him. He would be imprisoned in his own mind, like she had been, forever. It would be painful. His scars were buried deep, and fixing them meant tearing them open first. Still, she would not give up. She couldn't. He was her safe harbor. He was her freedom.


	6. Emptiness

**Title**: Emptiness

**Author:** Ana Sedai

**Rating:** PG

**Character(s):** Mal, River

**Prompt: **082 – Nature

**Word Count:** 603

**A/N: **6/100 for Joss100. A little darker here, folks. Sorry.

**Summary: **Being hollowed out doesn't mean feeling nothing.

* * *

Once again, he felt her before he heard or saw her. Did she ever sleep?

"We have the same nature, you know."

Unlike the last time she'd come to him in the cockpit, though, he didn't whirl around to face her. He supposed it was a sign of improvement that she didn't spook him as much, but the cost was this constant gorram awareness…

He sighed.

"Keep thinkin' that if it suits you, little girl. Won't make it true."

"Liar!"

He did spin around at that. She was glaring at him, her eyes all but shooting sparks. He'd never seen her anger directed at him before. Oh sure, she'd yelled some and thrown things around a bit when she was frustrated or the like, but this, this was different. She was furious.

"Same essence, same needs. Same hurts. Both want to be free. Both hear screams in dreams. You can't hide it! Think it's all your fault. Keep pushing me away, even if I want to be here."

Gorramit…! _Feng le _girl was pokin' around in his brain again. She just kept at him, haunting his steps, invading his thoughts. She wanted him close? Fine. She'd get him close. He lurched to his feet and in two steps was gripping her shoulders and yelling in her face.

"Dammit girl, I told you before, _keep outta my head!_ What's in there is not for you to know. Can't a man even have peace in his own mind?"

"You're just avoiding truth. Won't admit what you know. _Coward!_"

His hands tightened in pure fury. For a split second, he almost wanted to slap her. That impulse was what made him drop his hands and sink back into the chair. He took a shaky breath and dropped his head into his hands, feeling a little sick. He felt her kneel beside him, felt her hand on his face again, turning it towards her. Slowly, he lifted his head and opened his eyes.

She looked him square in the face. Oddly enough, he thought, her own face was calm again.

"I'm not afraid of you. Why are you?"

He barked out a laugh, a bitter note in the surrounding silence.

"Thought I just showed you the reason."

He gently pushed her hand away, and let out a shaky breath. Time to stop beating around the bush.

"River, I'm almost twice your age. I've been hollowed out so many times it's a wonder there's anything left in me. There's not much left to give. All I have is anger and pain, and a little affection. You may think that's enough, but it's not. I can't be what you need."

"Can't tell me what I do or don't need. Not fair. What about what you need?"

Arguing with her was well-nigh impossible. She kept changing strategies on him.

"I don't need anything but what I got. _Serenity, _food, some peace of mind. The rest is details."

She gave him a sad little smile.

"You're still lying. Not really your fault. Just don't know. I know you, though. And you know me. You're still there, inside, just like me. We can find each other. We know where to look. You don't have to be afraid. Soon you'll see that."

She rose to her feet and backed away, then turned and left. He could hear the soft footfalls as she headed towards her bunk.

Turning back to the ever-watchful Black, Mal wondered how long it would take her to change her mind if she did find him. And then discover all that he had, all that he was, was more emptiness.


	7. Faith

**Title**: Faith  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG-13 for graphic war images and language  
**Character(s):** Mal  
**Prompt: **008 – Hate  
**Word Count: **732

**Author's Note: **Seventh for Joss100. (Two in one day! I'm trying to make up for lost time.) It's not Mal/River, but it explains a bit about Mal, and why he is the way he is.

**Source Note: **I paraphrased the last lines of the story from another source. Points to whoever guesses which one. It hit me hard the first time I heard it, and it seemed appropriate to put it here.

**Summary: **He hadn't lost his faith during the war. He hadn't been that lucky.

* * *

Zoë knew the whole truth, but she'd never once brought it up, and never would. Shepherd Book had had some inkling. Maybe more than an inkling, but he'd never let on. River almost certainly knew, of course.

No one else had the foggiest notion, other than the fact that mentioning God with Mal in earshot triggered his temper but good. They assumed it was because he thought belief in God was foolish and silly, and as such had no place on the ship.

Well, they had it wrong. He wished they didn't. It would've been far easier.

* * *

_The call to surrender the Valley had been a blow. A big one. They'd fought so hard for so many days. Surely it couldn't take much to finish the job? _

_Watching Angels of Death disguised as Alliance battleships spew forth fire and brimstone on his men had been an even bigger blow. But a lifetime of faith in a just and merciful God is not wiped out in an instant, no matter how dire the circumstances. That takes much longer, and is infinitely more painful._

_Mal refused to give up the hope that they could hold out. So, instead of surrendering as ordered, he and Zoë scrounged up as many as could still fight, or at least walk on their own, and set up at the head of the canyon, the narrowest part. A hundred men could hold against a few thousand there. All they had to do was hang on a little while longer. The war wasn't over, not by a long shot. When the Independents finished kicking the Alliance's ass elsewhere, they'd come back and help retake the Valley. Wouldn't look good to give up and miss the victory party, now would it?_

_At first, even Mal believed what he said. They were on the right side, the side of freedom. God wouldn't abandon their cause to the likes of the Alliance._

_The next two weeks were spent in Hell. There were too many wounded, and too few supplies. For the first few nights, no one could sleep for the screams that echoed up and down the battlefield. They couldn't even put the poor souls out of their misery. It took all the ammo they had just to keep the Alliance at bay._

_Then the screams started falling silent. And then the smell arose. _

_By the end of the first week, the stench of corpses had become unbearable. Mal's makeshift battalion had dwindled to half its original number. Some had died of their wounds; others had been shot or blown up. A few had finally lost it and eaten their guns._

_Mal's world shrank to the ground five feet in front of him and his future to the next five minutes. When he was able, Mal prayed, begging to understand why they were being put through this. Hadn't they proven enough? As the days wore on and it became obvious that no one was coming, where others would have begun to feel despair, Mal just began to feel fury._

_He became a man possessed, taking foolish risks, all but daring the enemy to kill him. None of him men looked him in the eye for fear of being scalded by the fever there. Zoë threatened to hogtie him if he didn't stop acting suicidal. But death bypassed him and just took more of his men, and it just made him angrier._

_By the end of the second week, only Zoë and Mal were still standing. On the morning of the fourteenth day, they heard the announcement of the unconditional surrender of all Independent forces._

_It was over. It had all been for nothing. And all Mal was left with, was his rage._

_

* * *

_

He hadn't lost his belief in God during the war, or during its aftermath. Could he have stood and watched rampant fire and death rain down, burning good men alive and screaming, and not still believe?

Could he have squatted in a stinking hole for two weeks, listening to those wretched screams, waiting for salvation that never came, and not believe?

Could he have seen the victorious Alliance, those to whom God had deigned to give His blessing, be freely able to treat those who had dared oppose them as subhuman mongrels, and not believe?

The irony of it all was, he absolutely still believed in God. He just absolutely hated the son-of-a-bitch.


	8. Complements

**Title**: Complements  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG

**Character(s):** River  
**Prompt: **046 – Need  
**Word Count: **546

**Summary: **There are no sure things in life, but there is always a chance. 8/100 for Joss100.

* * *

There are times when River wonders if she is what the Captain really needs. If he is what she needs. Does she love him? Complicated question. What is love? Even more complicated. She has seen and felt it, but more from others than herself. It's so hard to separate them sometimes.

Wash and Zoë had been warm and steady and comfortable, like being wrapped in a blanket in front of a fire on a cold night. She'd basked in them when they were close.

She doesn't like being close to Zoë anymore. She feels battered by the depth of her need. The love Zoë had was tethered to Wash. Now he is gone, and that love has been left flapping and twisting in the shrieking wind of her grief.

Kaylee and Simon are different. She is sunlight and singing birds and a gentle breeze, while he is green trees and dark, rich earth. She shines on him and gives him life. He gives her a place to nest and feel safe. Well, when he isn't acting like a boob, of course, which he still does on occasion. Then he gives her something to squawk at.

She has watched the Captain and Inara, listened to them. Whenever River sees the Captain and Inara together, she is reminded of the story of the Sirens, those mythical sea creatures whose songs were so hypnotic that they lured any sailor who heard them into the water to drown.

Inara is the Captain's Siren. She does not want to be, but she is, and she knows it. But she cannot yet make herself leave for good. Because the Captain is also Inara's Siren. They thrash at each other and at themselves, torn between who they are and what they think they want.

If they break free, they will drown each other. Inara can't renounce who she is. For her, love would never be as precious as her independence. Mal can't accept less than his honor allows. For him, love could never be worth the loss of his self-respect.

Neither of them can be what the other needs.

As for Mal and herself, he is darkness and fire, while she is darkness and air. They are complements, but volatile ones. Theirs is a mix that could bring comforting warmth, or a destructive inferno.

There are no guarantees. If this does not work, they will not be able to just walk away. There will be no second chances. Of this, she is sure. They have buried themselves too deep inside of each other.

She is well aware of the obstacles. He tears and claws at his wounds, reopening them even as he tries to purge himself of them. Her own are harder to find, more a part of her. They will be hard to lose without losing who she is, who she has become.

She wants to be the one to help heal his scars. She knows he could help heal hers. But she also knows how fine the line is between healing and devastation. She has walked that line herself, and she still walks it. She and Mal will either bring each other into a balance, or pull each other into an abyss.

They have a chance. It has to be enough.


	9. Night Terrors

**Title: **Night Terrors

**Author: **Ana Sedai

**Rating: **PG

**Character(s): **Mal, River

**Prompt: **042 - Monsters

**Word Count: **882

**A/N: **Ninth in my Joss100 Mal/River series. I know I have to start writing these faster!

**Summary: **Not all monsters are found in nightmares.

* * *

Mal was not a heavy sleeper. Years of war and hard living had left him with an overdeveloped sense of hearing, and any little noise that penetrated the walls of his bunk also tended to penetrate his shut-eye. This was occasionally a problem, as when Simon and Kaylee got a bit, er, _vocal _in her bunk, but overall he was thankful for it. His hearing sounds in the night had saved their asses on more than one occasion.

So when the tinkle of breaking glass snapped his eyes open, he made sure his gun was in its holster before he left his bunk. Jubal Early had been a hard lesson learned. He headed for the kitchen, tiptoeing a little bit, and poked his head around the corner.

River was kneeling on the floor, picking up the remains of a cup and saucer. It looked like she hadn't even been able to start the tea before the accident. Her back was to him, but he could still see her graceful movements as she handled the shards.

"Not polite to spy, you know."

She said this without turning around, and it was slightly accusatory. Mal felt a mite guilty, then a mite annoyed. He stepped fully into the kitchen and took a seat in the nearest chair.

"It's my gorram ship. I hear something break, I go check it out."

River didn't answer. She finished cleaning up, rose to her feet, and dumped the pieces into the trash, all without facing him. _Tamade_, now he'd hurt her feelings. Head down, she made to leave, but Mal caught her hand before she could go.

Gently, he asked, "Albatross, what's the matter? Why're you up so late?"

Finally, she lifted her face, and Mal caught his breath. Her eyes were full of stark, raving terror. Okay, now he was scared. "River, what is it? You've gotta tell me what's goin' on."

Biting her lip, she answered simply and wearily. "Monsters. They won't be quiet. I hear them when I sleep, when I'm awake. They won't leave me alone!"

Her eyes filled with tears, and Mal pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her, forgetting the reasons why this was a bad idea.

"I thought that was over when folks found out 'bout Miranda."

She'd been doing so much better recently, aside from her inexplicable fixation on him, and he'd thought at least some good had come out of the whole sorry mess. If they ended up right back where they started…

"Not Reavers. They lie down now. It's Them, the ones that took me apart. They cut me, made me an animal, made me _like_ killing…" She shuddered and burrowed into his chest. "They still want me back. Hear how much They want me back. Couldn't before today." She started sobbing. "I can't let them take me back. I don't know how to make them stop!"

Mal took a deep breath as visions of slaughter danced through his head. He'd only ever killed when he had to, but if any of those _ta ma de hun dans _had been in front of him right then…

He shoved it all to the back of his mind. She didn't need to feel his fury on top of everything else. Without thinking, he tilted her face up and kissed her forehead. Then he looked her directly in the eye.

"River, listen to me. I swear to you that they will never get you back. I don't care what it takes. They will not have you. Ever."

He didn't realize it, but his tone was the same as it had been on Haven, when he'd drawn his line in the sand with blood and anger. He'd scared everyone that day, even Zoë. But not River. She knew what he was capable of when pushed too far, and it didn't frighten her. She looked up at his fierce expression, eyes bright, her hand coming up to smooth some of the lines away.

"Fighting dragons gets you burned, swords are too short, and shields are very thin."

Mal grinned a bit. "Hell girl, that's the story of our lives, ain't it?" He set her on her feet, ignoring the feeling of loss. "You gonna be okay gettin' to sleep now?"

She gave him that look of hers again, the one that seemed to be searching for something in his face. Then she nodded.

"Still hear Them, but not as loud. They aren't breathing fire anymore."

He let out a grateful sigh. "Good. We'll ask that hotshot brother of yours if he has any bright ideas about what to do about these particular voices in the morning."

All of a sudden, she gave a tiny smile, then leaned forward and hugged him. A little startled, he returned it. He'd gotten accustomed, if that word could be used, to holding her for comfort, but she'd never touched him in happiness before. It felt good.

Releasing him, she smiled again, twirled around, and headed for her room. He just stood there for a minute, feeling a bit nonplussed. He shook his head, trying to clear a few stray thoughts from his mind. Then he went back to his own bunk. It was a long time before he got back to sleep, though.


	10. Deltas

**Title**: Deltas  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG

**Character(s):** Mal, River, Simon  
**Prompt: **064 - Ocean  
**Word Count: **931

**A/N: **I _swore _to myself I wouldn't do this! Does it still count as a songfic if you went looking for a song to match your story, instead of writing the story to fit the song? sigh

In any case, this is the tenth story in my incessantly-delayed Mal/River Joss100 series.

* * *

_Like a flower that has blossomed  
In this dry and barren sand  
We are born and born again most gracefully  
Plus the winds of time will take us  
With a sure and steady hand  
When the river meets the sea_

In school, River had learned that there were places called deltas that formed when a river had run its course and met the ocean. The silt that the river had carried along with it spread out and made new land. This new land, originally only mud that dirtied up a river, was now a fertile place for things to live on and flourish. The ocean had given it space to grow, and had allowed ugliness to become a source of beauty and life. It was a fragile source, of course. Storms could rage and blow, washing away the life that had been created. But if the river was persistent, it could retain its peaceful haven.

She needed that haven now.

"So what you're tellin' me, Doc, is that there's nothin' you can do?" Mal's question came out a bit more irate than he'd intended. He took a breath, and River felt him gather the somewhat frayed edges of his temper closer together.

She, Mal, and Simon were gathered in the infirmary. After the previous night's incident, Mal had insisted that she talk to Simon first thing. He was more incensed over this new intrusion into her head than she was. Fortunately, the voices were quieter now, but she could still feel their malice buzzing at the back of her brain. She drew her knees up to her chest on the exam chair, trying to block them out. She focused on Mal. She could feel his concern for her, and something else, something that brushed across her mind like a warm breeze, but it was gone before she could identify it.

Simon raised his eyebrows at Mal's outburst, then sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. "I can give her a smoother, of course…" River quickly snapped her head towards her brother, who gave her a rueful look. "But I don't think you want to be drugged anymore. I'm not sure it would stop what you're…hearing, anyway. They didn't exactly cover this sort of thing in school." He was frustrated, and she didn't need her Reading ability to see that. Out of ideas, he gently asked, "River, is there anything that makes what you're hearing not be so loud?"

Almost instinctively, she glanced over at Mal. His eyes widened a bit. He didn't protest, though. Simon followed her gaze, and his own eyes narrowed. Before he could say anything, River hastily tried to explain. "Gives me room to spread out, Simon. Makes me feel safe." Her tone pleaded with Simon to accept what she was saying. "The dragons will leave soon, but I need space to fight. Please understand."

There was a moment of silence, and River tried to distinguish between the conflicting emotions now coursing through the room. Simon felt very reluctant, but that was to be expected. Mal felt a bit surprised, but he was pleased too, and maybe that was what he was surprised about. He…_wanted _to be the one to help her.

Realizing that staggered him some, but he made no outward show of it. Seeing Simon's hesitation, he decided reason might be the best tactic here. "Doctor, believe me, I wish there was something that could fix this, but since there doesn't seem to be, your sister's got to fight this battle her own self. If bein' around me more helps her with that, then I don't see the problem." He grinned at her. "Besides, there's still a thing or two you need to learn about flying, especially if you want to be the new getaway driver. With Badger, we'll more'n likely need one."

She smiled back at Mal, and felt Simon give in. Anything, or any_one_, that made her smile like that was worth at least a trial run. (She decided not to mention that she'd been asking for his blessing, not his permission.) Sighing again, he pushed his reservations to the side for now. "Alright, but if _anything_…" he glared at Mal for an instant "gets to be too much, you tell me, okay?" She nodded, and Simon headed for the door. He gave Mal an even look. "Anything unusual happens, you tell me the second it occurs."

Mal cocked an eyebrow and all-too-politely said he'd be the first to know. Simon snorted and left the room, muttering to himself.

River hopped off the chair and stood at Mal's side. The buzzing was more muted, and she felt lighter than she had since the night before. Looking up at him, she said, "Thank you for helping my mud become life. I can grow better now."

He seemed embarrassed at her gratitude. A bit gruffly, he told her, "Weren't no trouble. Need to keep an eye on my Albatross, right?"

She tilted her head to the side. A few weeks ago, she'd tried to tell him that what they each had was exactly what the other needed. He hadn't listened. Was he ready now, when he hadn't been before? She decided to take a chance. "Help you grow, too. You're not empty, not barren; just need something to nourish you."

He blinked at that, and she felt the familiar confusion of feelings run through him. He opened his mouth, a defensively wry retort on the tip of his tongue, but then he stopped. His eyes suddenly became very serious, "Maybe so, little Albatross. Maybe so."


	11. Burdens

**Title**: Burdens  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG

**Character(s): **Mal, River  
**Prompt: **072 - Myth  
**Word Count: **948

**A/N: **Okay, this is 11/100. I know the story pace seems slow (not to mention my updates) , but there is a method to my madness. I swear. At least in the story. ;)

**Summary: **Sometimes the heaviest part of a load is figuring out when to share it.

* * *

"Alright River, just pull it up easy there, like I showed you, and then-"

"She understands and comprehends. Doesn't need to be held up." River shot a mildly annoyed glance across to Mal where he sat in the other pilot's chair.

He shot a glare right back. "Look, just 'cause you're a mechanical genius and all don't mean you're ready to take on a whole lot of convoluted acrobatics yet. This ship and everyone on her, includin' you, are my responsibility. So if I say we're gonna go over something again, that's the way it's gonna be. _Dong ma?_"

They were three days out from Persephone, and while Mal wasn't expecting any more trouble from Badger than they usually got, what they usually got was considerable. So, he'd figured it was high time River learned more about piloting than just getting from Point A to Point B. Of course, that involved teaching, which wasn't his strong suit to begin with, and when that was combined with River's chomping at the bit to try ever-riskier moves, the occasional flare-up was inevitable. Like this one, for example.

She didn't drop her gaze, but her eyes softened a bit when she sensed his worry. "Think everything is your responsibility. Try to hold it all up without falling. You don't trust enough to let someone else help carry it. Your name isn't Atlas, though; it's Mal."

He sighed. He did that a lot around her. "I know that, but you know I'm not exactly the most trustful man in the 'verse. It's a whole lot easier for me if I just keep on carryin' things, instead of wondering if whoever helps is gonna drop 'em. Now, let's just go over this one more time…"

Four days of living in each other's back pockets had made her cryptic comments even less cryptic to him than before. That didn't make her easier to deal with when she was of a mind to be stubborn, of course. Still, other than the expected friction, they were developing a sort of rapport. It was fragile, but it was certainly preferable to the walking-on-eggshells edginess that he'd felt around her before.

"…And that's how you pull off a double barrel-roll with an inverted turn," Mal finished with a flourish. He was grateful that they could practice in the vacuum of space where there was only the ship's internal gravity to worry about. He didn't figure the rest of the crew would be too impressed if they went bouncing off the sides of _Serenity _whenever he or River pulled a hard turn if they were closer to a planet's gravity pull.

She'd watched every movement of his hands on the controls. She grasped her own, and then repeated the complicated maneuver perfectly, smoother, in point of fact. Just like the last two times. She was a quick study, and even Mal would admit to the slightest bit of jealousy at how easily she learned.

She looked over at him again, a hint of warning in her voice. "You have your own burdens. Don't wish for mine. Dragons saw how much she glittered. Wanted to take her, fashion a sword out of her."

He winced, wishing, not for the first time, that she would stay out of his thoughts. But she was still right. He tried to make it up to her.

"I'd spare you what you hear if I could, little one. You know that."

Her lips curved up in a small smile. "I'll share mine if you share yours."

Mal blinked at her, and then cleared his throat. "You shouldn't have to take on my peck of troubles along with yours. You got enough on your plate. 'Sides-," he tried to add a lighter note, "-you gotta be my eyes and ears at the docks in a couple of days. Won't be able to hear nothing if you got my worries rattlin' around up there."

Silly man, always trying to pretend that none of it mattered. "You already carry part of my troubles. Easier for me, but another straw on your back. Don't carry the weight of the world forever. Don't have to."

_Gorram it. _He stood up, figuring he'd best try and get going before he thought something he'd regret.

"Ah, I got captainy things to do for a spell. You pretty much got the hang of it. You gonna be okay on your own for a little bit?"

Awkward moment or no awkward moment, he wouldn't leave if her dragons started roaring again.

River looked down and nodded slightly. So, he should go now. Why did it feel wrong?

"Okay then. Be back in a bit. Don't crash and get us corpsified or anything." He headed for the door.

He had taken all of four steps when he stopped and sighed. _Ah, what the hell. _He turned back around and kneeled by River's chair. She looked at him expectantly, so he spoke slowly, trying to explain things to himself as much as to her.

"River, I just need some time. I'm not used to askin' for help, nor being offered any. It takes some gettin' used to."

He took a breath, but before he could continue, River placed her fingers on his lips. They were cool, and he felt a tingle work its way down his back.

She spoke four words, and he knew she understood both what he had said, and what he hadn't. "I know. I'll wait."

He gave her a half-smile and rose, feeling just a mite lighter. He cleared his throat roughly. "Right, then. Well, see you later, Albatross."

She listened to his steps as he walked off until they faded away.


	12. Trapped

**Title**: Trapped  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG (R if you speak Mandarin)

**Character(s): **Mal, River  
**Prompt: **030 - Coffin  
**Word Count: **935

**A/N: **12/100 for Joss100. The hits just keep on a-comin'…

**Summary: **Mal thinks on the traps that River gets him involved in.

* * *

_My God, she looks so small in there._

Of all the myriad thoughts that had careened through Mal's head in those first few seconds after kicking that crate open, that was the one he remembered most clearly. Before the confusion, the anger, the indignation, all he could think was how tiny and fragile she seemed.

Mal had never taken kindly to the idea of trading in human lives, but the pure rage that had seared his brain when he considered what this prissy-shirted, _gan ni niang _of a _lao mao _was most likely planning to do to this girl had surprised even himself. First he used Kaylee's life as a bargaining tool, and now this.

"_The shock of what? Waking up?__ Finding out she's been sold to some borderworld baron? Or, I'm sorry -was this one for you?"_

Mal could actually feel the man's windpipe collapsing beneath his fingers. It wouldn't take much…

That should have been his first clue about River Tam's effect on him.

Fortunately for her brother's continued existence, she chose that second start screaming.

For such a little thing, she sure could crank up the volume.

It wasn't until later that Mal could fully appreciate the irony of the circumstances surrounding that first day. He'd been all geared up to rescue a girl trapped inside a crate, only to discover that the trap was inside the girl.

For a long time, all little River had trapped was her own self. Talking in circles, in sentences no one could understand, she kept trying to make herself heard. He'd listened to her ramblings on occasion, and was surprised to discover that he understood quite a bit, more than he was comfortable with, truth to tell.

That should have been his second clue.

She'd started to come out of her shell some, after Early had graced them with his presence. It'd looked like she was actually starting to break out of her prison.

And then she started hanging around him more.

She didn't make herself a bother. She just sometimes looked at him with her head cocked, like he was some kind of gorram complicated math problem. It made him a mite tetchy. He'd had enough to deal with without her dogging his steps. One day he had just stared right back and abruptly asked her what she was doing.

"Whatsa matter, River? I got food on my face or somethin'?"

Her face took on a saddened expression.

"It's all over you. Don't know how to clean it up. You're worried there won't be enough to go around."

And damn it all if he hadn't understood that, too.

He'd let out a breath and rubbed his temples, asking himself why he even tried keeping things from a psychic. Hell, he couldn't even keep things from Zoë.

"Yeah, well, don't you go worryin' yourself on that score, girl. There's plenty of jobs. We just have to look harder, is all."

She got a crafty look in her eye. All of a sudden he'd felt very, very nervous.

"I could be of use on jobs, you know. See things. Hear things. Know before trouble comes."

Well. It wasn't like he hadn't considered it. He'd also rejected it. Taking a crazy girl on a heist? Forget it. Taking a crazy _wanted _girl on a heist wasn't just tempting fate, it was offering fate wine and roses and asking it to stay the night.

However, that had been before their usual steady trickle of jobs had dwindled to something resembling the _drip-drip _of a leaky faucet. Beggars didn't have the luxury of being choosers, and their food pantry had been feeling the effects.

So, he'd been face-to-face with another trap. And this time River was offering him a way out of it. He hadn't particularly cared for the means, but Mal was a pragmatist above almost all else. He'd made his decision by the time Fanty and Mingo had WAVEd him a few days later.

He'd decided to avoid mentioning to the good Doctor that it was his little _mei-mei _who had been the one to suggest her involvement. No sense in making him burst any more blood vessels than necessary. Relations had been tense enough already.

* * *

From a broken girl in a coffin to an often-creepifying warrior woman, River was nothing if not changeable. Truth to tell, it fascinated him. So much of his life was drawn in shades of gray and brown, but she was pure color. That changeability made her all manner of confusing at times, though.

Her words of late were filled with potential pitfalls, and he was having a hard time finding his way between them. The girl herself had now become the trap, one he was walking into all too willingly. He'd hated to think on her like that. River had no more artifice to her than Kaylee did. He'd known it had more to do with himself, and the sense of inevitability he'd gotten to feeling around her. Accepting inevitability had never been his way.

Still, he couldn't just hang in the balance forever, and he couldn't bring himself to deny her. So he'd made his first overture of acceptance yesterday, miniscule as it might have been. She'd recognized it, though, and acknowledged it with a smile and an acceptance of her own. There had been a shift, nothing grand or obvious, but a shift just the same.

He wasn't sure exactly what kind of path he'd set himself on. He knew he ought to be nervous. He knew he ought to feel trapped. He didn't.

He felt free.


	13. Unpredictable

**Title**: Unpredictable  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG

**Character(s): **Mal, River, Simon, Kaylee  
**Prompt: **100 - Fire  
**Word Count: **1,030 (Okay, so I'm a bit over. Sue me. ;) )

**Disclaimer: **Seriously? Don't sue me.

**A/N: **13/100 for Joss100. I know I'm inundating you all with updates today. I finally got some time to do some editing, so I figured what the heck. As always, feedback is God. I give burnt offerings to it on a daily basis.

**Summary: **Unpredictability may be the spice of life, but it tends to give Simon indigestion.

* * *

"Captain, are you insane? Have you forgotten what happened the last time you took her out on a job?"

"Why, yes I do, Doctor. As I seem to recall, she saved our collective asses from Reavers. Am I missin' something?"

"Just the part where she almost got killed!"

"Doc, I appreciate your concern, but in case _you've_ forgotten, River's able to tell when we're gettin' cheated and the like, and Badger ain't ever been what you'd call on the 'up-and-up' with us. Zoe and I'll have four guns between us, and River's more than able to take care of her own self in a situation, should it come to that. Final word is she's ready, she's comin', and that's that!"

Mal and Simon were toe-to-toe, glaring at each other, their faces about two inches apart. Kaylee, attracted from the kitchen by the shouting, took one look at the testosterone-fueled tornado brewing in the cargo bay and decided to jump in before one (or both) of her two favorite men ended up with a bloody nose. Again.

She marched into the bay.

"Simon, Cap'n, shouldn't River make up her own mind about this? I mean, she is eighteen 'n all. She's not so crazy anymore. She's grown up now."

Their heads swiveled towards her simultaneously. It was funny, actually. Simon looked annoyed that she wasn't squarely on his side. Mal just looked annoyed that she'd interrupted him mid-rant. Too bad.

As far as Kaylee was concerned, Simon was being ridiculous. He still seemed to think River needed coddling. As for Mal, well, Kaylee's frustration with him was more complicated.

Kaylee wasn't blind. River and the Captain had been spending a considerable amount of time together lately, as in friendly-like time. Personally, she was thrilled for them. They seemed more comfortable around each other, happy. Cap'n even smiled on occasion. For that reason alone, Kaylee would've thought that River and Mal together was a good thing. But River had changed for the better, too. She was calmer, content, and more lucid than she'd ever been.

They were still occasionally a bit awkward around each other. Well, the Captain, more than River. He must've still thought she was too young, or he didn't deserve her, or something equally silly. Kaylee could've snorted at that idea. River was tougher than all of them, except maybe the Captain or Zoe. And Mal deserved any happiness he could find. However, getting Simon to accept that she was able to take care of herself was proving hard enough, and changing Mal's mind about anything was like pushing a twisted gear back into place with a pair of tweezers. He was awful tetchy about advice on his personal life, too, though he seemed to handle it better when it came from Kaylee.

Didn't mean he'd tolerate anyone putting forth contributions on how to run the ship, though. She waited for the inevitable dressing-down, and hoped Simon would hold his peace for once.

But before Mal could lecture them, again, on his policy regarding interference in command decisions, the subject of their little debate leaned over the upper railing and made her own views clear.

"Based on unpredictable and volatile experiences with the twitchy one and the amusement he attained previously, I calculate an 82.5 percent chance he will attempt to deceive if I am not present, and only a 46.2 percent chance he will if I am."

Mal sent a quizzical look up at her.

"What 'amusement' you talkin' about, River? When did Badger…"

He broke off when he recalled that slimy little weasel had sat on his boat for a good fourteen hours while he'd been doing his best to avoid imitating a shish-kabob. Fourteen hours. His eyes narrowed.

"Did that _hun dan _try anythin', River? I swear, if he did…"

Kaylee broke in. "No, Cap'n, he didn't try anything. Actually, River kinda perplexed him some. She started talkin' all funny like he did. He seemed to think she was from his home planet or somethin'."

She giggled a little.

"I think he got a bit of a crush on her, to tell you the truth. He tipped his hat to her and everything. It was kinda cute."

Simon looked like he was ready to choke on his tongue, and Mal felt a slow burn start to boil in his blood.

"S'that so?" His tone was deceptively serene. River knew better, and sent a haughty glare his way.

"Not handsome enough to tempt me. Thoughts were too mean, as well. It felt nice to be thought of that way, though. Like a woman, not a crazy girl, able to make up my own mind."

Both Mal and Simon looked sheepish at that. River descended the stairs and grasped Simon's hand.

"Have to let me go, Simon. I _want _to go. I'm needed. Can see and hear for myself now. Keep everyone safe. I sound the alarm before the fire rages." Her tone became impish. "Besides, playing with fire is fun if you know how not to get burned."

She gave him an affectionate little smile.

"Don't need your permission, Simon, would like to have your blessing, though."

Simon looked at her for a second and sighed.

"River, I know you're an adult. I know you can make your own decisions. But I'm still your brother. I'll always worry, especially when you're around someone like…_Badger._"

He made a face that stated quite clearly just what he thought of the man.

She smiled and squeezed his hand in gratitude, then turned to Mal. "Permission to come along, Captain?"

His mouth gave a wry twist at the familiar phrasing.

"Y'know, you ain't quite right."

Her eyes danced and she grinned.

"It's the popular theory."

He straightened up and told her to be ready in a half-hour, then walked off to discuss logistics with Zoë.

Kaylee looked up at Simon and saw he was still trying to digest just what he'd agreed to.

"Aw, come on Simon. Nothing bad's gonna happen. Cap'n can take care of her fine."

Simon glanced down and Kaylee realized she wasn't the only one who'd noticed something between River and Mal.

"That's what I'm afraid of."


	14. Undercurrents

**Title**: Undercurrents  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG

**Character(s): **BDC (Big Damn Crew)  
**Prompt: **039 - Dusk  
**Word Count: **1,000

**A/N: **14/100 for Joss100. Hmm, if I'm not careful, I may actually get through this thing before the millennium is over…

**Summary: **Day is done, everyone's whole, and dinner is served. Some observations are made.

* * *

A dinner that wasn't protein pack-based was a rare event on the ship, and usually only took place right after they'd gotten paid. Naturally, everyone tended to be in a good mood on such occasions.

Simon and Kaylee had scoured the local market for some halfway decent meat. Kaylee had pounced on the strawberries the second she'd seen them. They'd even managed to get their hands on some fresh vegetables. In short, it was the best damn meal the crew had enjoyed in quite awhile.

The conversation flowed better, too, and this time the subject happened to be their earlier meeting _cum _job offer.

"…So Badger's tryin' to get River alone for a little 'conversation'. Nice as you please, the Cap'n asks him if he's at all attached to the hat he's wearin' or the head that's wearin' it, 'cause both were about to be riddled with holes." Zoë always relished it when someone that deserved it got the what-for. "Badger just winks at River and saunters away, though I must say I've never seen a saunter at such high speed before."

Mal, of course, tried to play it down. "I didn't say that! I just felt that I should give the man a little friendly warning, is all. Didn't care to see our payday get unsmooth if'n he took it in his head to take on our little warrior woman."

Never mind that he'd wanted to rip the twitchy weasel a new one all throughout the entire exchange. He put the brakes on _that _particular train of thought immediately.

River pursed her lips at him and sat up all prim and proper-like. "He was quite polite. Never tried to cheat, even though he could have." She lifted one eyebrow. "Didn't feel like fighting over territory today."

Mal almost choked on his steak. _What the..."territory"?_

Zoë slapped his back and wryly suggested he might want to avoid trying to swallow a whole cow at once. The subject shifted to how they were going to pull off this latest caper that Badger had talked them into, after fronting them half of what looked to be a very promising payoff.

Mal stayed out of it. He silently scowled at River in retaliation for her (he _knew_) deliberate salvo. Wasn't any reason to be making fun of him for trying to keep an eye on her, was there? She raised her eyebrow at him again, and he could practically hear her voice in his head. _No, but was that _all_ you were doing?_

He grimaced ruefully. She had him there. Rather than dwell on this line of thinking, he sent River an, admittedly, half-hearted grin of apology. She nodded her head with a superior-looking curve of her lips, as if saying; _I forgive you, but don't get any ideas. _Both of them looked away and dove back into the conversation

But their silent exchange hadn't gone unnoticed.

Kaylee saw the glances that passed between them, and felt a little smile work at her lips. River and the Cap'n were just so _right_ for each other. They were already talking without words, and wasn't that shiny? She snuck a peek at Simon to see if he'd spotted them, but he was butting heads with Jayne over something or other. Just as well. No sense in a perfectly good dinner getting all tense 'cause he started feeling overprotective again. What she'd told him was true. Captain'd look after River right well.

Inara saw them too.

She had been trained from childhood to notice the things people said with their movements and expressions, as well as their words. More than that, she was a born observer. Mal hadn't come crashing through her door since she'd come back. They hadn't fought, either. Initially, it had been something of a relief. Their verbal sparring always left her feeling wrung out and flustered afterward, which was not a state she particularly enjoyed. Her peace of mind was important to her. Lately, though, she'd found she missed his impromptu visits. After all, they didn't always fight, and she did take pleasure in their civil conversations.

So, she'd gone looking for him. He'd been on the bridge, giving River one of her flying lessons. Inara had been about to call out to him, but then had hesitated. She'd looked more closely. They'd seemed…comfortable, at ease with each other. It wasn't often that she'd seen either one of them relax like that. It didn't seem right to disturb something they all had far too little of, and so she'd backed away and let them be. A niggling thought had sprouted in her mind as she'd done so, but she had dismissed it as ridiculous.

Now, though, seeing them trade looks back and forth as though they'd been communicating wordlessly for years, she wondered if maybe she had been too hasty.

The last person to take notice of the non-verbal tête-à-tête was arguably the one with the most mixed feelings.

Zoë's observational skills were honed not by Companion training, but by war, which necessarily placed more emphasis on threat evals. It hadn't escaped her attention that her captain had gone a mite broody of late. She wryly acknowledged that this wasn't earth-shattering news, as he always tended to be broody about something or other, but this was a different type of broody. There was less self-flagellation, and more of something that almost resembled uncertainty, which wasn't like him at all.

During the day he was all-business as usual, but recently during her nighttime vigils she'd caught him staring out the cockpit window, his mind a million miles away. They both of them preferred to deal with things their own way, so she'd left him alone. She'd started watching him more closely, though. And tonight, a glimmer of understanding started to shine. So it was River, was it? A corner of Zoë's mouth quirked up a bit. Well, wasn't that interesting?

Jayne continued to shovel food into his mouth. He had his own priorities.


	15. Candle

**Title**: Candles  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG

**Character(s): **River, Zoe  
**Prompt: **027 - Light  
**Word Count: **810

**A/N: **15/100 for Mal/River Joss100. If I ever do complete this story, I'll consider it one of the highlights of my life. Please leave reviews; I need all the help I can get.

**Summary: **Zoe corners River about Mal.

* * *

It was late. Most of the crew were snug in their bunks, except for River, who was sitting vigil at the helm. It was good to for _Serenity_ to have a destination, she thought. It was a beacon guiding the way, providing a purpose to fulfill.

She recalled the high-spirited dinner conversation, and smiled a little to herself. _Silly man._ Mal might as well have hung a sign on her at the deal earlier today that said "Property of Malcolm Reynolds". He still wouldn't let himself realize all the reasons why he'd reacted as he had. She knew he hadn't gotten her whole message. She also knew there was someone who had.

"River?"

Zoe.

She'd realized this was coming. Zoe was not one to beat around the bush, especially if it concerned Mal. It was as it should be. River swiveled the chair around.

Zoe stood in the doorway, arms folded, her expression unreadable. "Need to talk to you for a minute." She entered fully and propped her hip up on the nearest console, careful to not disturb the dinosaur models that still held a place of honor there. "Got a few questions I'd like answered."

"You wonder if I'm playing, if I know what I'm doing. You wonder if you'll need to pick up the pieces of him if I don't." She spoke without resentment.

"Somethin' like that. He's a man as has been hard-pressed to hold onto things."

True. And because it was true, River felt she owed Zoe her own truth.

"I love him."

Zoe nodded. "Figured as much. Doesn't mean you can't break his heart worse'n Inara ever did."

"He's my light in the dark, helps me to see. I'll be his, too, if he lets me."

Zoe gave her a hard look. "Needin' someone ain't the same as loving 'em. The need has to come from the love, not the other way 'round. It ain't healthy otherwise."

"_I'm_ not healthy. Not all the way, not yet. When he admits the whole truth, what I am, and who he is, and what we are, then I'll be complete. Can't break a part of me."

"You do realize that he might never admit it?"

"He will." There was no other option, not for her.

"You sound awfully sure of yourself, little girl."

"Not a little girl, not anymore, not for a long time."

"No, I don't suppose you are." Zoe's expression softened. "I don't want to see either of you hurt. The two of you together, well, I won't say it's anything I expected." She cracked half a smile. "Then again, who am I to talk about what's to be expected about who folks fall in love with?" A shadow passed over her face, and River steeled herself against the knife edge of fresh grief. It still cut deep, but it was perhaps not as sharp as it had been.

"Point is, loving takes everything a person has to give, and lovin' Mal, well, I expect you have some notion of what that'll take."

"I know. I've always known, even before I realized I knew."

Zoe searched her face, evaluating, weighing. River held her gaze steadily. Two women, each of whom loved the same man in different ways, one trying to reassure the other that she could be trusted with a deceptively hard yet fragile heart.

After a few moments, Zoe must have seen something that at least partially satisfied her. She nodded once, stood up and started to leave.

"Zoe?"

She paused, one foot out the door. River glanced at the grinning dinosaurs and bit her lip, uncharacteristically hesitant about her next words.

"I'm sorry. Sorry I couldn't see it. The flame blew out too fast. He deserved to die an old man in bed, all the children and grandchildren around him. With you."

Slowly, Zoe turned. There was a knot in her jaw where she was clenching it, but not from anger. River wondered how long it was possible to hold in that much pain without dying inside.

"No use bein' sorry for something you can't help. He was mine, even if it was for far too brief a time. And I was his. It's enough." Her gaze became fierce. "And because I know how short a time we all might have, I'll tell you this: Mal's a hard man to love, and I'm still not sure you're up to it. But if you are, and the day comes that he knows it too, then you hold onto each other and never let go, not for anything."

She marched out, back ramrod straight, her bootsteps resonating down the corridor. River sat very still, waiting for the reflected grief to fade with the echoes.

_Life is a guttering candle, and there is far too much wind here. Oh Mal, how long will we have to wait?_


	16. Sand

**Title**: Sand  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG

**Character(s): **Mal, River  
**Prompt: **083 - Eternal  
**Word Count: **981

**A/N: **16/100 for Mal/River Joss100. (Yes, I'm still writing these!) Quotes taken from William Blake's poem, "Auguries of Innocence".

As a side note, I can't tell you how much it means to me that people are still reading these. I love your reviews and I hope that you keep giving me feedback. Believe me, I need it. Thank you!

**Summary: **Sometimes the most insignificant things are the ones that can evoke the most wonder.

* * *

While Mal would've been the first one to expound on the joys of a busy-noisy ship, he did enjoy getting some alone time with his girl. Being dirt-side meant everyone else would've gone off to stretch their legs or do some shopping or, in Jayne's case…nah, best not go there. In any event, it was just him and Serenity for the moment.

They were due to pick up their cargo that afternoon, but in the meantime he had best check out how her exterior hull looked. Wouldn't do for Kaylee to have the engine purring like a kitten, only to have all their air sucked out of a breach if a plate crumpled.

Whistling, he ambled down the gangplank and turned, and nearly trampled River where she sat in the ship's shade.

"Hey, whoa!"

She was gazing rather intently at something in her hand, apparently oblivious to their near-collision.

"Sorry, little one. Thought you'd gone off with Simon and Kaylee."

She still didn't look up, and Mal got real curious as to what could hold her undivided attention for so long a time.

"Whatcha got there?"

Finally, she turned and looked up to him, her dark eyes faintly luminous in the shadows. "Everything."

He peered over her shoulder. "Funny, looks like dirt to me."

It was true. The thing she'd been staring at as if it held the secrets of the 'verse was a few bits of soil. She looked down and murmured something softly. Mal could still hear her, though.

"To see a world in a grain of sand,

And a heaven in a wildflower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour."

They were both silent for a moment, and then Mal crouched down on the ground next to her.

"Blake, right?"

She nodded, tilted her head, and grinned at him. "I promise to not faint."

He barked out a laugh. Guess he'd been projecting a bit. "Cute, very cute." His face got serious. "You don't have to sit out here all by your lonesome, y'know."

"Not alone anymore. You're here." The words were oddly intent, and he wished he had the guts to really ponder what she meant by them.

He opted for the obvious response. "Good point." Another silence. They did those well. Suddenly restless, Mal got to his feet. "You wanna come and check out Serenity with me? Extra pair of eyes are helpful, and I did promise to keep you company an' all."

She smiled brightly and nodded, so he held out a hand to help her up. It was instinctive; he'd been raised to be polite to ladies. But when River grasped his big, rough, hand with her small, delicate one, he found his world abruptly and inexplicably narrowed to the feel of her fingers in his.

Her hand was tiny, but it wasn't soft. She had a few calluses from working with Kaylee, and from her training. There was strength there, too, and he could feel each slender tendon that stretched from her wrist to her fingers. He could even feel the pulse in her wrist, and damnit all if he didn't feel his own heart start to beat in time with it.

He felt an ache in his chest when he saw how her hand fit and was almost completely engulfed by his. The hands of a killer and a savior, and he remembered that both of them were one and the same. A sobering thought, but a strangely liberating one, too.

_Hold infinity in the palm of your hand…_

He didn't know how long he stood there like some sunstroked _feng le _idiot, but it was her voice that snapped him out of it.

"Joy and woe are woven fine,

A clothing for the soul divine.

Under every grief and pine

Runs a joy with silken twine."

She was gazing at his face, and smiled gently when he raised his eyes to hers. He knew he should let her hand go, but if felt so _right_ in his, and she didn't seem to be in any hurry to get it back.

He swallowed. When had his mouth gotten so gorram dry? "All fine and dandy, 'cept our portion of woe always seems a mite bigger than it oughta be."

"Makes us appreciate the joy more. Have to take what we can, not be afraid of it."

Looking in her eyes, he felt his mind tremble on the brink of some vast knowledge. If he took just one more step, he could find out what it was. Something in him still shied away, though. He wasn't quite ready, not yet.

River's expression was sad, but understanding. "I can't force you to see. Have to come on your own. All I can do is show the way."

He hated disappointing her, hated not being able to take that leap and find out what was waiting. But he was what he was, a man willing to take on any number of risks, provided he knew what the consequences would be. He didn't know them here, and until he did, he couldn't move forward. All he knew was that he felt more at peace with this girl in his life, than he had since he'd left his home. For now, it was enough.

"I know, darlin'." He finally let go of her hand. His own felt cold now.

Trying to sound chipper, he said, "Best get this inspection finished 'fore the others get back. Got us some crime to be done and Serenity crashin' wouldn't be the best way to start."

And at once he became all business, perusing the ship for flaws with the intensity of a laser, the stalwart Captain once more. River walked beside him, watchful, silent, and thoughtful. And wondered on the meaning of eternity, and hands, and grains of sand that were slipping through them.


	17. Cliff's Edge

**Title**: Cliff's Edge  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG

**Character(s): **River  
**Prompt: **071 - Fall  
**Word Count: **700

**A/N: **17/100 for Mal/River Joss100. Please keep reviewing. Writing is a solitary business, and it helps to know that people care.

**Summary:** An introspective piece (yes, another one) on falling, dreams, and waiting.

* * *

Before Miranda, River had had no way to block anyone out. As Simon had said, she felt _everything._ Sometimes, late at night when she hadn't been able to sleep, she would close her eyes and try to imagine falling down, down, down into blackness, silent and still. Somewhere where there were no chattering thoughts or angry regrets or bitter nightmares. She'd wanted to lose herself in that blackness, become one with it, never have to come out and try to pretend that she could ever get better. _All gone now, goodbye._

It had been easier to hold herself together during the day. Everyone was usually so focused on a particular task or busy with other people, and when she could she would focus on those whose thoughts were the least jarring. Kaylee's in particular had been a balm to her psyche, like diving in a warm lake on a bright sunny day. However brightly she had shone during the day, though, at night Kaylee had always been drowned out by others.

Book, as disciplined and calm as he appeared, had memories of fire and death that haunted his dreams, covered by a veil of shame. Jayne, always so brash and noisy in every way, was no less angry in sleep than he was awake. Zoe, fortunately, always had her husband to wrap herself around when her nightmares began growling at the door, but while they lasted they were hazed by red and thunder.

And then there had been Mal.

Instead of pounding against her brain with brute force, his dreams had slid in like a knife blade of pain. To have believed so deeply, and to have been crushed so utterly, set up an echo in his psyche that resonated in hers in a way none of the others' ever had. _Harmonics_, she'd thought. _Constructive interference, and the resultant wave will shatter us both._

And still he'd drawn her to him, a moth to the flame, with a mind that was so different from her own and yet so alike at the same time. _Serenity_ had known who they were, what they were. _You never leave Serenity_, she'd thought, and they didn't. Not her, and not Mal. Almost every night, he was there, and so was she, crawling in blood-soaked earth over torn bodies, falling endlessly into anguish.

She hadn't slept well.

After Miranda, things had been better, for the most part. The worst of her not-dreams were Zoe's mournful shadows. Then she had begun to hear the buzzings of those who still desired her back, and a sharp poker of panic had seared her.

Mal had been there that night, as he had been every night, if only in spirit, though once for real. He dreamed of the Valley less now, for which she was grateful. The pain was still there, and the guilt for Wash and Shepherd Book was fresh, but a place inside him that used to be black and empty had become lit by a small inner fire. He _believed_ in something again. It had come as a bit of a shock when she discovered that something was her.

And there was still something else, something even more recent than his fragile peace. He wasn't willing to let himself see it yet. It felt like he was trying to peer over the edge of a cliff, but the ground under his feet was crumbling, and he didn't want to fall. He didn't know where he would land, and that scared him.

River wanted to tell him to not be afraid, that she was waiting to catch him when he fell. She wanted to tell him that she was falling, too, that he could catch her if he wanted. She wanted to tell him that _Serenity_ was waiting to catch them both, that she would hold them forever and shelter them from every storm that she could. She wanted to tell him everything.

She could not. She had tried, but there was nothing more she could say until he was ready. And so Mal continued to teeter on the cliff's edge, and she continued to wait, with _Serenity_ whispering to her that, eventually, all would be well.


	18. Night Visitors

**Title**: Night Visitors  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG

**Character(s): **Mal, River  
**Prompt: **062 - Sound  
**Word Count: **1,133

**A/N: **18/100 for Mal/River Joss100. This is longer than 1,000 words, but I couldn't bring myself to cut any more than I already did. I hope the Prompt gods will forgive me.

**Summary: **River's dragons finally stop roaring. And Mal gets put in an awkward situation.

* * *

The scrape of his bunk hatch opening was what startled Mal out of sleep this time. For a second, he lay still, listening. All he heard was a soft rustling. Quietly, slowly, he reached for the light switch and his gun, only to feel a small hand close around his, stopping him.

"No light, no sound, just darkness and silence. Too quiet for them to roar."

To say that he was shocked would have been something of an understatement.

"River! What in the specter of hell are you doin' down here?"

He couldn't see her; only feel her move as she slid into the empty space next to him. He was still too surprised to stop her as she curled up at his side. He did sit up, but he refrained from turning on the light.

"Stopped hearing them during the day, but they come back at night. More vicious, louder." She clutched his hand more tightly. "Thought being with you could stop them."

Her dragons again, rather those bastards that'd cut up her brain. Damn it. And here he'd thought those voices and memories had all but left. Now here she was in his bed, looking to him to make it better. What was he supposed to do? They didn't cover situations like this in space captain school.

He felt yet another headache start to set up camp right in the middle of his forehead. Using the hand that wasn't trapped in hers, he massaged the bridge of his nose. Okay, how to defuse this without raising holy hell?

"Darlin', I want to help flush out them gorram _hundans' _voices. You know that. But you can't go sneakin' into people's bunks in the middle of the night. Especially ones as have loaded firearms within reach."

As if she could see the scowl on his face (hell, she probably could), River's fingers moved lightly over his brow, trying to smooth away the wrinkles.

"I'm sorry. It's rude, I know. But they're so _loud_ tonight…" She burrowed into his chest like a kitten nuzzling its face into its owner's hand. "They're afraid of you. Run far and fast when you're close. Can't breath fire when they run."

Mal did his best to ignore her warmth and how well she fit into his side, and started wracking his brain for some solution to this newest, er, _predicament_. He couldn't just send her back to her own bunk (though the logical part of his brain was screaming that was exactly what he should do). He'd allowed her to become his responsibility (_is that all she is?_), and he couldn't shove her away because things got a mite awkward. He could go get Simon…

"Not Simon. Leave him alone with Kaylee. Don't want him to know, he'll just worry."

Mal grimaced down at her voice. "You can't stay, little albatross. Your brother finds you down here; he'll do a helluva lot more than just worry."

"Please, just for tonight. They'll leave for good, I know they will. Need them to be gone." He could hear the tears of frustration she was trying to keep in.

Silently cursing the 'verse in general, and himself in particular, Mal gave up and gave in. River never begged for anything, and he'd feel as low as pond scum if he refused her now. Weren't like it was much of a hardship, anyway. It was one night, how much trouble could she cause?

He continued to ignore the logical part of his brain, which had now started screaming that all he was doing was rationalizing.

"Alright, alright, you can stay. Just so long as you don't snore or anything. I gotta sleep too, y'know," he grumped halfheartedly.

He heard the smile in her answer. "I promise, Captain. No snoring."

"Shiny." He reached down and pulled the spare blanket at the foot of his bed over her. "Warm enough?"

He felt her nod against his chest. His free arm had been pinned between them when she'd gotten in beside him, and it was starting to go numb. Pulling it free, he shook it around for a moment to get some feeling back, and since there was nowhere else to put it, he hesitantly placed it around her shoulders. Felt more comfortable there, anyway. She was still holding onto his other hand.

"You okay sittin' up, Albatross?" He hoped so. He drew the line at actually lying down with her. This was surreal enough.

She nodded again and shifted so her head nestled in the crook of his shoulder. "You're an adequate pillow."

He chuckled at that, then yawned. "Thanks, I think. Sleep tight, darlin'. Sure hope those dragons of yours are gone by morning."

The last thing he heard before drifting back off was a soft, "They will be."

* * *

When he opened his eyes again, it was to the soft buzzing of his alarm and the resultant lights. Yawning and blinking, he started to stretch, when an unfamiliar weight pulled one of his arms back. The cobwebs cleared instantly, and he looked down to see River still asleep on his shoulder. His whimsical thoughts (_she looks like an angel_) he attributed solely to his still-waking state.

His motions jostled her, and her eyes slowly opened and turned up to his.

"Mornin', little one. Sleep well?" He certainly had. In fact, he couldn't recall if he'd even dreamed, which was rare indeed.

Her smile was answer enough. "No fighting, no roaring, no fire. They're gone. They're really gone."

Mal felt a little grin work its way across his own face at her happy tone. "Good to hear. They gonna stay gone this time?" He stamped down firmly on the fleeting thought that he wouldn't mind doing this again if they didn't.

Her smile got wider. "Think so. Helped scare them off."

He glanced away, a bit nonplussed at the look in her eyes. _Right. Back to business now, Reynolds. _"Sure. No problem. Now, how's about you scoot back to your own bed, 'fore your brother gets it into his head that you ain't in it?"

With a confounding mix of dejection and acceptance in her expression, she nodded and headed for the ladder. Swell, he'd stuck his foot in it again. He couldn't let her leave with that look on her face, or he'd be giving pond scum a good name.

"River?"

She turned around and waited expectantly.

"I slept well enough, too. Been a while since that happened."

This time, her smile lit up his whole bunk. "You're welcome, Captain." And she all but floated up through the hatch.

Mal sat down hard on his bed. He scrubbed his face with his hands, and then rested his forehead in them. To no one in particular, he groaned, "Gorram it all to hell."


	19. Stability

**Title****: **Stability  
**Author:** Ana Sedai  
**Rating:** PG

**Character(s): **BDC (Big Damn Crew) (again)  
**Prompt: **020 - Still  
**Word Count: **967

**A/N: **19/100 for Mal/River Joss100.

**Summary: **Everything else swirls around her, but Mal remains still.

Another day, another ill-advised caper. They were on Beaumonde, scheduled to pick up some slightly less-than-legal contraband from Badger's contact, a factory owner who didn't hold a very high opinion of the local economic laws. Serenity was in her usual pre-job state of controlled bedlam.

"Hey, has anyone seen my auto-adjuster?" Kaylee was making last-minute modifications to the Mule, since this cargo was supposed to be a tad bigger than most. Her tools normally were quite well-organized. But, she had been a mite distracted lately…

"Where in the 'verse is my autoclave?" was Simon's frustrated yell as he marched into the bay. He was trying to take stock of the infirmary supplies, on the not-so-off chance that something would go wrong that required a stitch or twenty.

"I ain't tryin' to be difficult. But no way am I goin' out again with no grenades!"

"It's a factory, Jayne. It's a factory filled with lots of things that go boom. One grenade of yours gets loose, and we're gonna be among those things."

Zoe and Jayne were having a rather heated discussion about his tendency to enlist slightly more firepower than was strictly needed for the job at hand. This was assuming that job wasn't the takeover and subjugation of a small moon, of course.

Mal stood in the middle of the cargo bay, arms folded, a simultaneously affectionate and amused expression on his face as he watched the antics.

And River watched Mal.

She had perched herself on the catwalk above the bay, enjoying the swirl of color and movement as everyone went about their business. _Or is that 'busyness'?_ she thought, and smiled. She watched the patterns of movement and voices, saw how, completely unconsciously, Mal pulled everyone into orbit around him.

Usually, Mal was right in there with everyone else, blustering and hovering over them. Not today, though. Today he seemed content to just observe. He stood straight and tall, a solid reference point in a mini-sea of chaos.

He had always been that, for her. Everything else swirled around her, but Mal remained still. From the very first, he had been her anchor, when her mind had twisted upside down and inside out and there had been no way to pull back from the brink. Kaylee had given her peace, but Mal had given her stability, and that was something that she had craved above all else.

Her mind was quieter now, but the craving was still there, a craving for something _more_. She wanted more than just stability, more than just sanity. She wanted, _needed_ to be there for him, as he had been for her. Sometimes it felt like that need was gnawing inside her, sometimes it felt more like a vague yearning. It was always there, though.

She was well aware of how pathetic that need might seem to others. Depending on someone else so entirely, wanting them to depend on you, was not something that was considered desirable, or even healthy. But River had not had the luxury of self-deception for many years. She was what she was, and she knew what she knew.

She could never be whole again, not by herself. This, she had accepted without bitterness. Simon had not accepted it, not yet. Perhaps he never would. He always wanted to fix people, make them better. His coming to terms with the idea that his own sister couldn't be completely healed would require time and patience, which they fortunately had in spades. As for her, it was simply the way things were, and railing against it would change nothing. Instead, she counted herself blessed that there was someone who could make her whole in spirit. Mal had proved it the other night.

He'd since done his best to pretend it had never happened. She heard the new turmoil in his thoughts, and while she regretted being somewhat responsible for his unrest, she was glad that he was beginning to see. Reluctantly, slowly, and only in pieces, but it was another beginning, another step.

He caught sight of her legs swinging above his line of sight, and craned his neck to see her. "You okay up there, little one? Gotta be ready to move in a few. Your brother about blew a gasket last time, and I'd prefer to be gone 'fore he gets it into his head to change his mind again."

"Changeability is unstable, doesn't allow roots to take hold. Makes things hard to understand."

"Exactly, which is why I'd appreciate you gettin' some shoes so we can, as previously mentioned, get gone. Don't fancy those little feet of yours bein' stomped on."

She smiled at him, despite his semi-irritated tone, and tripped down to her room to retrieve her boots. _Little feet?_ It gave her a warm feeling to know that he found some part of her attractive. She blew out a sigh at his selective obtuseness, though. Mal was her stability, but his feelings themselves were not stable, not yet. He drew closer, she reached out, he retreated. It was very frustrating. She knew the outcome, but the path before her was always shifting.

She walked back into the bay just in time to leave. She climbed into the Mule, Simon's usual warnings of caution in her ears, and she caught Mal's eye just before he focused his attention back to the controls.

For an instant, she'd seen affection and pride in that gaze. She'd felt it, too, very strongly. The warm feeling came back, and a tiny grin worked at the corners of her mouth as she took her seat.

_One day, Mal. One day your feelings will become still, and you will accept. We can balance each other, and you will see what I can give, as you have given. One day…_


End file.
